The reason most people will tell you they hate fundraising is because of that big, scary thing called "Asking." Most fundraising classes teach you to mentally prepare yourself, prepare your speech, practice it a few times, what to do if the donor says "no," how to prepare yourself for the dreaded rejection, how to counter-offer so that you will eventually get a "yes." The emphasis is entirely on you as the Asker.

At Benevon we approach asking from a different point of view—that of the donor. Specifically, our focus is on the donor's readiness to be asked. After all, if you are interested in building a lifelong relationship with a donor, why would you rush the process or risk offending them by asking too soon? Using this approach, you would never ask a donor for a contribution unless you were certain that they were ready to give. In our parlance, we call that "ripened fruit." By this point in the cycle, the donors would have cultivated themselves through the process so much that they are beginning to wonder why no one has asked them yet to give money to the organization. In that situation, asking becomes nothing more than "nudging the inevitable."

Rather than needing to be a terrifying duty for loyal board members, the process of asking should seem like just one more natural conversation in the lifelong dialog you will be having with each donor. It should be a pleasant experience both for the donor and the person asking. That way, if you come away from the meeting having received less money than you asked for, you wouldn't be left with what we call "Asker's remorse." You would know that you served the donor by letting her or him determine the giving level that was most comfortable for them. Therefore, they would most likely be happy to take your future calls and accept your future invitations to more cultivation events or meetings customized to their interests. You would know that the relationship was donor-centered and, as such, was proceeding at a pace that was comfortable for the donor.

Imagine that asking could be so natural that it was a pleasant experience for everyone involved! When you approach asking from this point of view, everything changes. You begin to regard the donor as you would any good friend. You wouldn't want them to give to something they are not truly interested in. You wouldn't want them to give more than they are comfortable giving. You would want to be certain that whatever intent they had as to how the money would be used was honored. You would honor their request for how they would (or would not) like to be recognized. You would keep them informed over time about the outcomes of the programs or services their money helped to fund.

In other words, once you begin to think of your donors as lifelong friends of your organization, you would know quite naturally what to do. You would do everything you could to take very good care of them!

These are the donors who remember your organization in their estate planning. Even if they did not give you the major gift you had hoped for during their entire lifetime, if you have treated them well and made your needs known to them, they may well remember you in the end. After all, in the end, whatever is left is either going to taxes or to their heirs. For many individuals, there is no greater pleasure than to leave a bequest or other planned gift to an organization whose work and people they respect.

Think about someone involved with your organization right now who you know is ready to give. How do you know that? What signals or cues are they giving you?

Perhaps they ask a lot of questions. Or they always return your call. They may bring their friends to your Point of Entry^® Events. They have plenty of advice for you. They come to events you put on. They may start talking about themselves and your organization as "we." They may start asking more questions about your fundraising. They may volunteer to give you money. They may even tell you that they want to give you more money. In other words, they let you know in many ways.

Now, when you think of a person you would like to ask for money, are they giving you any of these signals? Just because their name may be on the "big-hitter" list in your community, does not mean they even know or care about you.

Even people who are already on your organization's Treasure Map^® may need more cultivation before they are ready.

Imagine you weren't in a hurry. Imagine that your organization was not desperate for that next big gift and that, in fact, you had plenty of time to let the fruit ripen. How long would it naturally take? Make your list of the personalized contacts along the Cultivation Superhighway^™ that it would take for that particular donor to be ready. You may not know all the steps, yet they would unfold naturally, one at a time. Maybe you need to go to lunch with that person (and bring along the other key person they would want to have there). Maybe you need to be sure to invite the spouse or another friend or family member of the donor. At that meeting, if you asked the right questions, you would begin to learn more about the donor's particular interest in your work. You would see naturally how to connect the donor to the right person involved with that program in your organization. Each step would naturally deepen the relationship.

If you let the donor determine the pace of the relationship, there would come a time when the fruit would be ripened, when the donor would have given you enough signals and cues, that you would know they are ready to be asked and what they would like to be asked to give. You need to know that they already want to contribute before you ask them. You should be certain that they have an abundance of exactly what you will be asking them for—well before you ask them.

You must have a compelling emotional pitch and a factual plan for why they should give to you. If they say "no," thank them anyway for being a friend of your organization and ask them if there is any other way they could see that they would like to get involved.

Then your job is to involve them in precisely that way until they are ready to be asked for exactly the thing they want to say "yes" to. Then you ask them again (or have the perfect person ask them) so that when they say "yes," they feel great about it.

If they say "yes" and don't feel great about it, it's not a "win." It's actually a "lose," and you don't need it that badly. They've got to feel as if they sprinkled fairy dust on the most worthwhile cause in the world. They've got to feel so good about it that they don't have to tell anyone else that they did it. They need to feel as if their gift to your organization is a personal indulgence for them; as if your organization is their personal indulgence.

Then, after they say "yes," you've got to let them know that you are really excited—not just politely appreciative—to receive their gift. You've got to let them know it was a big deal to you. Then you have made a real friend. You've allowed them to truly contribute to your organization and to feel the way you feel when you've truly contributed.

We call this donor-centered asking. And it's not the least bit scary.